Hungry Like the Wolf: The tofu-strewn road to Kyoto

Taiwan is offering up a formidable winter this year. The past few weeks have been mostly wet, cold, and dreary. Yesterday the sun made a brief appearance and then apparently decided to leave us to our sad fates, because today was yet another long, dark day of the Taiwan soul. I took advantage of the brief reprieve yesterday to explore the northern end of the Gongguan bike path. The hours I spent cycling back and forth, with no deadline, and no destination, brought to mind the late night drives I used to take in high school. At that time, everything moved way too slowly, and I yearned for life to speed up. I yearned for arrival. This impatience would build up and, coupled with my chronic insomnia, would propel me out the door and into the car. I would drive for hours, directionless. Sometimes I stopped by the beach to hear the soothing crash of the waves. Mostly I just hoped the continued movement would assuage my teen-angst. Now a night like that seems fairly impossible. First of all, life has become all about speed - events end seemingly moments after they start. We feel a constant pressure to determine our next turn; we fear uncharted courses. Yes, it was a simpler time back then. That, and gas was a much, much cheaper.

That will be $60, thanks.

There are still certain situations in which we are forced to slow down: stomach flu and travel disasters. Luckily, this post does not involve bouts of stomach flu. No, this post is about what may well be the most convoluted trip from Tokyo to Kyoto known to modern man. First let's review the amount of time it usually takes to make this trip: by train, anywhere from 2 to 4 hours; by bus you're looking at 7-8. For my sister and I, it took a solid 10. Now, before you all go and chalk this up to some special Smela trait, some family ability to weed out the most bizarrely inefficient travel arrangements possible, let it be known that my sister did some excellent research before this trip. She had figured out a way that we could travel to Kyoto almost entirely for free, thanks to a special rail pass available over the holidays. It would involve a bunch of transfers, but hey, free is good! No, we are definitely going to have to place some of the blame squarely on the shoulders of the Japanese Rail System.

The trip followed this general pattern: we arrived at the station, showed our ticket (which was supposed to entitle us to free rides during the national holiday), and were promptly told that the first leg of our trip would, in fact, not be free, it would instead cost $60. But the tickets should work everywhere else so, hey, no worries, just pay up and be on your way. During the second leg of our trip, when the conductor came over to check our tickets he promptly told us that this leg of our trip would, in fact, not be free, it would instead cost another $60. At this point my sister got a bit suspicious and checked on the rest of our itinerary with him. The conductor told us that our next planned transfer would, in fact, not be free, it would instead cost yet another $60. Clearly the Japanese travel website my sister has used was, at the very least, misguided in its listing of acceptable trains we could use with this ticket. Luckily, this kind conductor worked out an itinerary we could use our tickets on. This itinerary would stretch our travel time out to a whopping 10 hours, but we had already paid $120 plus the cost of the "rail pass" and we were not prepared to spend anymore. We decided to settle in for the long haul.

Let's just note, for the record, that the 2 hour long bullet train trip costs.....$120. Damn you Japanese Rail System!!!!!

The view from our 10 hour train ride.
Why do I miss all the good snowpocalypses?

But you know what? This ended up being one of the highlights of the trip. Susie and I had years of catching up to do. Major life events needed to be recounted. Personal revelations needed to be shared. We spent the full 10 hour train ride talking, with brief pauses to be dazzled by the jaw-dropping-ly beautiful scenery. This gave us a bit more mental space to take in the refined splendor of Kyoto. We saw glittering golden temples, minimalist wooden temples, and cherry-red temples situated atop quaint old-fashioned market streets (which were filled with massively overpriced stuff, but hey, it's Japan. The whole point is to leave with not a cent to your name, right?) We ate twelve different kinds of tofu, including these outrageously good grilled tofu skewers slathered with miso paste. They were delicate morsels of velvety decadence. We wandered through the old Geisha neighborhood (lanterns! hidden alleyways!) We ducked into multiple izakayas to ward off the endless cold (gyoza! fried chicken!) We found a bar that sold beer, snacks, and collectible figurines (Run DMC action figures!!!!! Which I'm sure cost so much I would have had to sell a kidney to afford just one!) And we ended our night with some of the best vegetables I've had yet in Asia: sweet, vinegary boiled spinach with rock salt for dipping, and the only lotus root I'll ever love.

I love you, lotus root. You complete me.

Thus ends part two of Hungry Like the Wolf's Epic Sister Reunion Episode. Still to come: a thorough exploration of Osaka's gay nightlife, and a pile of conveyor belt sushi so high it makes Taipei 101 look like shack.

And now, to play us out, here are some photos of Kyoto brought to you by my poor, struggling camera, Mr. Blurry:

The Smelas Take Kyoto. Super Asian!

The Golden Pavillion

Here are a few shots of a solo-trip I took to the Shogun Palace.

The entrance to the Shogun Palace.

Pictures of the inside of Casa de Shogun are forbidden,
but the grounds are fair game, and pretty impressive to boot.
At least, Mr. Blurry seemed to approve.

The Shogun's cul-de-sac.

Interesting fact - closing time at Shogun-palooza is signaled by playing Auld lang syne on repeat. Apparently that song actually translates as, "Thank you for visiting the Shogun. Now get the hell out."