The following are copies of email updates sent to friends during my 8 week German audition tour in 2010. No names have been changed, because no one is innocent.
October 30, 2010, Berlin Update #1
So, Ryan and I have survived our first week and change in Berlin! The city is actually very similar to New York, which has definitely eased the transition. Of course, we still have mountains of work to do (i.e. people to stalk for auditions) so we haven't truly covered the city yet. here are some highlights:
Last Friday (our first full day in Berlin) - while wandering around our new neighborhood (Kreuzberg) I saw a sign for "The Tiger Lillies" performing that night. Being the daring, adventurous woman that I am I defied jetlag and went to see the show. The venue was this gorgeous restored 1920's theatre. Outside there was a klezmer street band performing. Instead of putting out a hat to collect money, they rigged up a skeleton robot to wander up to people and ask for change. I immediately decided that Berlin is my kind of town. The Tiger Lillies were weird and wonderful. and they had midgets.
Last Saturday - We spent most of the day writing to agents, and enjoying our lovely apartment. It is truly a great place. We lucked out. Thank you craigslist! In the evening we went to a dinner party at our friend Daniel's place. I was all excited to speak lots of bad German, but of course it was all English, all the time. Turns out that in Berlin people don't want to talk to you in German in social circumstances. They want to practice their English. Que the hell! Daniel made this gourmet 5 course meal and served it on fine china. We're talking pumpkin potage, risotto, and lamb here people! In attendance was his ex from NY. the whole thing was very civilized, very european. Naturally Ryan and I were delightfully out of place.
Monday - We had our first audition! The whole set up was.....very German. First we had to ring a bell, then go to the third floor, which was really the second floor, which was totally empty. Inside a weird cafeteria area we found auditions papers to fill out. After that we went to the second floor (which was really the first floor) and waited around in a dicey hallway labeled "no smoking" (yet littered with cigarette butts) until our turn to sing. Finally, we sang. The pianist was kind of shite, and she just stopped playing my first piece at the end of the second verse. I sang well, and the agent said I had good spoken German. She also very helpfully pointed out that I'm a soprano, and there are a lot of us, so I need to be perfect at all times. 'Cause I totally didn't know that. So no agent for me, but a good experience nonetheless.
Wednesday - We take a break from the endless paperwork (yay! I've created my own German desk job!) and went out to dinner with Daniel. We went to a place called Themroc. Its basically an apartment that has been converted into a restaurant. The have a set menu which changes everyday, so you pretty much just get what they give you. According to Daniel this is "very Berlin". It was sooooo delicious. Chestnut/almond soup with spicy grilled shrimp. Argentine steak with a wild mushroom sauce. Fresh panna cotta with strawberry sauce and mint. And of course, copious amounts of red wine. The way you order the wine is kind of funny. The waitress just brought out the 4 bottles they had that night and told us to go ahead and taste all of them to find one we liked. It's a good system.
Friday - Kurt Weill! Seven Deadly Sins! At the Berlin Konzerthaus! It was amazing. I'm not sure what else to say. I'm kind of in Kurt Weill heaven. I plan on constructing my very own Kurt Weill walking tour, which will culminate at the theater which houses the Berliner Ensemble, located on Bertolt-Brecht-Platz, and which held the premiere of Threepenny Opera back in 1928. I am truly a woman obsessed.
That's all I've got for now! And I'm sure that you guys stopped reading a long time ago anyway :) On Tuesday we travel to Duesseldorf for our next auditions, with a stop in Koeln along the way. Stay tuned for more exciting stories about my obsession with food and Kurt Weill!
November 18, 2010, Berlin Update #2 - Jump in My Car!
Just as I feared, I have waited way too long to write another update, and now I have a backlog of things to tell you about. Travels, triumphs, tutus.....and so we begin....
Shows:
I've been on a bit of a bender when it comes to shows. Berlin has so many things happening (everywhere at all times), its almost like a year-round arts festival. Of course, as with any festival, there are winners and losers. Let's meet them.
Sophie Boewe - I had high-ish hopes for this cabaret performance. She's a classical soprano, there was going to be an accordion, I thought, what could go wrong? A lot. To start with, she was searing a black spaghetti strap leotard and black tutu. Paired with black and red checked tights. And patent leather heels. And no bra. It was worse than it sounds. There was some sort of weird jazz accordion thing happening, and while some of the selections were musically interesting (and in Polish!), there were also hideous arrangements of beloved songs like the Beatles' "Blackbird", complete with bird noises. The amazing thing? The audience loved it. They brought her back out for 3 encores! There was cheering and hooting! And that's when I realized what I was witnessing - the David Hasselhoff effect, aka the German appreciation for total junk pop. Clearly I would find more success here if I started wearing tutus.
Other shows of note- An original musical in German about a guy who thinks he can capture the objective sounds of items like his grandma's glasses, and who falls in love with a car thief. An excellent German adaptation of the Tiget Lillies' Junkopera Shockheaded Peter. The theme? Dead kids. Also, atmospheric french chanson at a new lesbian (?) bar.
Food:
When not attending shows, I've been eating. I don't make Ryan attend every crazy show that I want to see, but he does accompany me on all the meals. Oh, the meals. First of all, Sunday Brunch. New York may have invented it, but Berlin perfected it. Their secret? Buffets. Scrambled eggs with mushrooms and ham. An assortment of German sausages. Lox. Croissants. Roasted vegetables. Cheese. Fresh bread. Schnitzel. Some kind of delicious middle eastern fritter. Sauteed mushrooms. Even more bread. Fresh yogurt. Fruit salad drizzled with syrup. I'm fairly certain that if there is a heaven, its a never-ending Berlin brunch. and I will do whatever I have to do to get there.
But life gets even better after brunch, if you've truly made peace with the artery-clogging goodness that is Germany. For example, one might stumble upon "wild game night" at a restaurant in Karlsruhe. As it was the day before an audition, Ryan wisely suggested that I avoid getting the wildgame ragu (who knows what may have ensued?), so I had to satisfy myself with roasted goose in a chestnut mushroom gravy with red cabbage and potato dumplings. Oh, the joy.
And while we're on the subject of Teutonic specialties, I can officially say that I am no longer a schnitzel virgin. That's right, during my six months in Vienna in 1999 I somehow managed to miss out on schnitzel. And I'm glad I did. Because the old adage is true, it's better with the one you love. And I love the schnitzel at Peter's Brauhaus in Koeln. Light. Flaky. With melting potatoes. And complemented by yet another plate of starch- potato pancakes topped with homemade applesauce. Don't let anyone tell you differently - true love waits.
Touristy stuff:
In between food comas Ryan and I have done a bit of sight seeing. We climbed to the top of various Cathedrals in Berlin and Koeln. Intesting fact about the Koeln cathedral - it's comprised of 509 steps up a small passageway covered with obnoxious adolescent graffiti. Mothers, don't let you children grow up to be cowboys (who deface historical/religious landmarks). It's just not cool. But aside from the graffiti these sights are amazing. What I find particularly mind-boggling is that they're all pretty "new". Most of them were destroyed during the war and then reconstructed. It's hard to imagine such an undertaking.
Oh boy. I'm getting carried away. There's also been some singing! I had some good auditions, but now find myself without much going on until December. So I'm doing coachings with a woman from the Deutsche Oper, checking out cabaret venues, and roasting various meats (it always comes back to food with me, doesn't it?)
As we've reached the four week mark Ryan and I have definitely been pining for our wonderful people in New York. While this is certainly an adventure, its also reminding us of how much we have in our hometown. And yet, we will bravely go on and eat further schnitzel, drink more wine, and roast more meat. All in the name of opera.
Until next time!
PS-A musical reward for those of you who made it to the end of my epic saga. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3382491587979249836#
December 2, 2010, Berlin Update #3 - Holiday Spectacular Edition!
We've almost reached the end of our Berlin adventure. As some of you may remember, we were supposed to fly back today, but the Germans have demanded 3 encores so we're staying until Dec. 9th. Give the public what they want, right?
This means that we get to enjoy the holiday season in Germany. Right now we're snuggled up in our cozy Berlin apartment watching the snow gently fall outside our windows.....sipping hot chocolate...planning our visit to the local Christmas market.....
oh wait, that's a complete lie. We're sitting, yes, but in a freezing cold Berlin apartment, afraid to go outside because it's been negative a-bajillion degrees all week and all we brought were light leather jackets and one thick sweater each (and since losing my completely-weather-inappropriate scarf my sweater has been doing double duty. I've wrapped it around my neck and re-christened it a "swarf".)
But you can't keep obnoxiously optimistic Americans down! There are still tales of wine, food, and song to report:
Let's start with the "variete" show at Heimathafen. This venue is actually very interesting. Its' in the "hip and trendy" section of town called Neukoelln (because where else would we be, right?). It's got a cafe/bar, a cabaret space, and a full theater. And it's damn cheap. I thought it would be a winner. As you may have realized by now, that's automatically grounds to avoid the show at all costs. Oh, there was variety, alright. For example, a woman with a Hitler mustache performing bad Depeche Mode derivatives. Or the spanish jazz/theatrical group headed up by a skinny singer who kept screaming and running right off the stage and out of the house. But really, nothing can quite compare to the electronic musician known as "Company Fuck". He describes his music as a "one-man noisecore karaoke explosion". The artiste came out in a head-to-toe gold lame body suit. He had some kind of remote control device in one hand, also wrapped in gold lame. He told us he was feeling romantic. And then he proceeded to release some of the most torturous noises ever uttered by man or machine. Oh, how to describe it. Let's say you had a happy little sci-fi sidekick robot, and then you started beating on it with a lead pipe, while your accomplice began sticking knives under its poor, adorable, anthropomorphic fingernails. That's the sound this computer made. with a dash of screechy violin thrown in for good measure. Did I mention that Ryan had accompanied me on this outing? Oh yes, he thoroughly enjoyed it, I can assure you. But we really didn't get the full effect of the "karaoke explosion" because I had thought to bring earplugs. Other audience members were not so lucky. And one man in particular felt that he needed to make his displeasure known, so he stood up and threw his beer at the performer and his computer. And then sat back down. Whoah. So much for that "Repressed German" notion. This beer-throwing man seemed very in touch with his feelings. Of course Hitler-lady threw the man out, the performer dried his computer, and, after receiving some mixed encouragement from the rest of the audience, Company Fuck soldiered on.
After this debacle it seemed appropriate to actually go to an opera since, you know, we're opera singers. We saw a wonderful Lucia di Lammermoor at the Deutsche Oper. The production was traditional and boring, but damn! The singing! Amazing. It's almost believable when the soprano ACTUALLY DIES of high-note induced insanity at the end (this is true. google the opera and read its preposterous plot). We felt so good about this decision that we decided to see another opera, The Love for Three Oranges, this time at the Kommische Oper. The house is painfully beautiful. The production was innovative. The singers were committed. The orchestra was.....on strike. Really!? We finally make it to the Kommische Oper and the orchestra is on strike? Is this a sign from an angry god? Or was some sort of curse laid upon the audience at Company Fuck's show? We're all doomed to wander the earth watching disatisfying musical performances until the end of time? Oh, wait, its just Europe! This actually is the only strike of any kind that we've run into, so I guess we should count ourselves lucky. But still, Prokofiev without orchestra is a sad, sad affair.
Hmmmm.....what to say about the food.....well, I don't think I've addressed the issue of spaetzle just yet. And by issue I mean, is it legal for me to get married to a plate of pasta and cheese? And if so, in which country? Spaetzle could really be described as German mac and cheese. You've got your fresh homemade noodles. You've got your delicious, swiss-like cheese. You've got your onions. Naturally you've got your ham. And then you've got one deliriously happy Andi. But even I can reach the point of meat overload. So I was extremely enthusiastic when our friend Daniel invited us to join him at Kimchi Princess, known for the best korean food in town (not that the bar is set very high in Berlin, but it was truly quite wonderful). I was ready for vegetables. I was ready for tofu. I was ready for healthy goodness. So instead we all ordered Korean BBQ and I ate my weight in beef. (Just a quick note to the vegetarians out there: I am truly sorry for the emphasis on meat found throughout these emails. I promise that next time Ryan and I go hunting for work we'll do it in a country with better dietary habits.)
I realize that this email is already too long, but I simply must tell you about our trips to Dresden and Mainz. They're both very beautiful, its true. They were also both ass-cold and wet the whole time. But Dresden holds a secret that I had hoped for, but not expected; searched for, but nearly really believed to exist - the perfect loaf of bread. Oh Dresden Ciabatta! let me frolic amongst your crunchy exterior. Let me luxuriate in your soft, chewy bread-ness. What's that? Do I detect a hint of sweetness? And, oh my, does it perfectly compliment the dusting of flour found on your crust? Why yes, yes it does. Dresden Ciabatta, my heart belongs to thee.
So there you have it. A further sampling of our sumptuous trip to Germany. I'll send out one more update before we leave, because I'm sure you're all on the edge of your seats waiting to hear about our trip to Munich and my final one and a half auditions. Why do I say a "half audition"? Because the maddening assistant won't actually tell me whether or not I even have one. I call up and say, "Frau Crazy, do I definitely have an audition on Dec. 8th?" and Frau Crazy says,"Yes. But let me check. I'll email you." Oh, you wacky Germans!
In the meantime, much love to all of you, and good wishes for the beginning of your holidays!
December 10, 2010, Berlin Update #4 - Dessert edition (with a cherry on top)
And so our German adventure concludes. In a mad dash we visit Munich, Düsseldorf, and Frankfurt. Frankfurt decides to hold onto us for an extra day. And I undertake to address certain things that have been omitted from previous dispatches – namely, auditions and dessert.
Perhaps some of you have done opera auditions before, and are familiar with the strange creature known as the “opera singer”. But some of you, I believe, are tourists here in the land of heavy makeup and big hair, so please allow me to acquaint you with the territory: first of all, we're all Sopranos. Even the men. Don't ask me how, it just works out that way. And we're all convinced that our voices will cease to work the moment we step into the audition room. So, the following ensues – snarling Sopranos tear each other to bits in pursuit of the one warm-up room. The crafty Soprano gets in early and pretends to have facility with neither German nor English when the singer next on deck requests a few minutes to sing some piercing hight notes. Ah, but the ballsy Soprano, she walks right into the room, disregards Ms.Crafty's attempts to deny fluency, and demands that the bitch leave.
It must be admitted, I stretched the truth earlier. There aren't only Sopranos, there are also Tenors. The Tenors speak loudly, and only in english. And upon departure announce things such as, “well, I'm off to France!” The thing is, Sopranos are just so astonishingly cut throat, and therefore provide endless hours of entertainment. Exhibit A: as one Soprano warmed up, I actually heard another member of the high note club declare, “She must be killed”. Its just opera people! This should not be a life or death situation!
Let's move on to a sweeter subject. Ah, dessert in Germany. In general it must be said that German desserts are not cloying. They are creamy, ephemeral, and just sweet enough. A warm chocolate cake here is not so different from one in the US, except for the part where you lose you mind from the amazing-ness. But let's discuss the German specialties. One day while sight-seeing in sunny Dresden we realized that frostbite had set in, so we ducked into an almost overly-ornate cafe. It was all ours, and, as the sun set on the Elbe, Ryan and I were stuffing our faces with warm apfel strudel and a Dresden cheesecake. This cheesecake was a lovely variation on the original. It was light, springy, and had just the hint of lemon. The perfect complement? Hot chocolate. Suddenly Dresden was warm and welcoming.
Two other traditional holiday desserts worth note: stollen and baumkuchen. Stollen is similar to a traditional fruit cake found throughout eastern europe. In other words, my Czech Grandma can kick all of your German asses. However, the German version is worth a mention, because the Germans are fancy. They take your standard fluffy white cake studded with dried fruit and covered in powdered sugar, and they fill it with maaaaaarzipan. Oh yeah. It's so right. But baumkuchen is really the jewel in the crown of German desserts. It starts with a horizontal spit and a bucket of amazing batter. Then your baumkuchen maker slowly adds layer after layer of delicious batter to this spit. After it's reached the appropriate width this gorgeous starch event is slid off the spit, and, dare I say it, covered in chocolate. We find ourselves presented with a sophisticated donut – layers of vanilla laden batter, bathed in a delicate sheath of lemony chocolate. Would it be too much to ask for a house made of baumkuchen?
It was really baumkuchen that gave Ryan and I the strength the get through the trials and tribulations of our first attempt to fly home yesterday. Look people, I understand that flights get cancelled. Especially when it snows. However, is it ever really okay to leave an entire plane's worth of passengers sitting around with no information about the whether the flight exists or not? Should we really have to find out about the cancellation from our loved ones who have thoughtfully checked the internet and then called from other countries to share the news? Would it be too much trouble to have one, just one measly little Aer Lingus employee in the entire airport? And furthermore Aer Lingus, once you've decided to put the stranded passengers up in a hotel for the night, can't you think of a better way to spread the information than by RUMOR!?!??!?! When did airports become high schools!?!?!?
The good news is, Ryan and I made it out of Germany today. In fact, this Berlin update is coming to you straight from the Dublin airport. We're almost done with our four hour layover, and yes, we will be skipping with glee to get on that flying tylenol bottle. Our trip was wonderful, a great experience, but we're ready for the gritty, dirty, vermin-infested metropolis that we call home. New York, ich liebe dich! Of course, we also kind of miss you guys, so that's a bonus too. See you all soon!
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